Broccoli Jokes

Once a week we'll add a new, arguably funny joke to the list. Here's two to get the ball rolling:

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What's the difference between broccoli and snot?
Kids dont eat broccoli.

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A guy walked into a restaurant and asked for some broccoli. The waiter said, Sorry, theres no broccoli. So the man asked for a meat pie and broccoli. The waiter said, "There is no broccoli." So he asked for a meat pie, chips, and broccoli. The waiter replied, Spell cat, as in catastrophe. C-A-T, the man answered. The waiter then asked, Spell dog as in dogmatic. The man said D-O-G. Now spell fuck, as in broccoli, the waiter said. The man yelled THERES NO FUCK IN BROCCOLI! The waiter laughed, EXACTLY!

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A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling like expensive perfume. She turns to an old woman in the corner and says arrogantly, "Giorgio Beverly Hills, £100 an ounce!" Another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also smells of very expensive perfume. She arrogantly turns to the old woman and says, "Chanel No. 5, £150 an ounce!" About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, looks both beautiful women in the eye, turns and squeezes out a fart...... "Broccoli - 49 pence a pound!"

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Winter League - Round Two

"Superhero"


















"Happy"



















"Blue Steele"


















"Broccoli"


League Table, as of Sunday January 29th, 2006

	Team	P	W	L	F	A	Diff	P
1	Broccoli	3	3	0	32	6	26	6
2	Johnny Chimpo	3	3	0	36	15	21	6
3	Skulltimate	2	2	0	20	6	14	4
4	Pen15	3	1	2	25	21	4	2
5	Chilli-O	3	1	2	18	26	-8	2
6	The Force Kings	3	1	2	12	29	-17	2
7	Discs In Turmoil	3	0	3	9	28	-19	0
8	Captain Huck	2	0	2	3	23	-20	0

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Date : January 29th
Venue: Shankill
Weather: Sunny but cold

Winter League Round 2 took place last Sunday finally giving a competitive dayboo to Britboy Mac Judas Broc. The stage was set for a tough match against the hard running, pink PEN15 team especially with the Brocs stretched to only 6 players. However sterling work by the Fi-mobile crew saw us boosted by Eoin's late inclusion and after a quick warm-up we were ready to go.

The game began with us zoning and Eoin quickly got a layout D to give us our first chance at a score. Score we did and off the mark we were. PEN15 had other ideas though and using Hagus' aerial power they took the next 2 points to take the lead. It was then that Luan was quoted as saying 'we're in a dogfight'. Maybe we weren't up for a dogfight on such a nice day or maybe we wanted to show everyone how much we enjoy playing Ironman. Either way that was last PEN15 score for the following 6 points.

Britboy suggested we change the zone et voila, we were in control. The cup worked tirelessly and was rewarded with pointblocks and Ds all over. Behind the cup Fi and Britboy patrolled the wings and Ois was busy marking both Mick and Hagus while Marko fought 'the Hag' tooth and nail. Feisty D and chilled out, organised O helped us take half and after a beautiful rendition of 'Lady in red' we were back on the field raring for more.

Energised by our off key singing we took the next 2 points before PEN15 replied with one of their own. Gametime was called, Broc slipped one more point into the bag and handshaking, huddling and a song or two capped off a hard, spirited and highly enjoyable match. Special mention to Britboy who didnt have a single turnover or drop on his Broc dayboo, to Col who drove for 8 hrs in total and didnt even make it near the Pale, to Adam who we hope is getting better and to all the Brocs who got up, strapped it on and ate it up!

Broccoli gets bad press

It would appear that we have some very powerful enemies across the world. Ex-President of the United State, George H Bush (daddy of George dubya Bush) once said:

"I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli."

He also famously once said:

"I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them."

At least now we know why junior is "intellectually challenged"! The good news is that after the comment was made the Broccoli Growers Lobby went on the attack, claiming that the President's comments had adversely affected their product's image with the wider public. They forced him into backtracking and the White House released a statement listing the virtues of the broc.

Hooray for broccoli!

Winter League - Round One

Date: January 15th
Venue: Shankill
Weather: Utterly Shite

3 new Brocs made their competitive day-boos and were eager to impress from the get-go. Unfortunately, once the pitches had been marked out and the warm-ups began, the heavens opened up and let rip with aplomb. To counter the elements, The Broc decided to play a total ultimate game, utilizing all players and keeping everything simple. Iron man was a mere dream as the 6 brave Brocs took to the field, with Col still in his car fixing his hair.

With a strong blustery wind, Broccoli strapped on a big dirty zone upwind and downwind. A few notable howlers were put down to the wet disc. Despite the few drops, the Broc D-line was doing the business and not giving the O-line a shniff of the action. Half-time saw The Broc lead 7-0. The arrival of the enigmatic Colin Pitt disappointed some of the Brocs who were enjoying the amount of game time on offer with only 6 players!

With a full compliment of 7 players, the D-line went into overdrive. The combination of hard work on D and efficiency on offence led to 6 unanswered second half scores. 13-0 to The Broc.

Given the conditions, it was agreed that the second game would start immediately. DIT were the opponents and their strong handling kept the Broc D on their toes. A few early scores gave Broccoli the lead, but with the wind now all but gone, both teams were looking to strech it out.

Simon Balfe's yellow shorts proved to be the highlight of his day. His display of rash decision making and poor overall disc skills will surely make him question his ability to play at such a level. DIT are thought to be looking for a new handler in the January transfer window.

With both teams playing man offence for the most part, players were made to run hard for possession. Adam Keyes was his usual incompetent self. His apathy highlighted by his reluctance to commit fully to anything outside of arms reach. The Judas graduate caused no concern to DIT who were glad to be rid of his negativity and all round awkwardness.

After a fleeting moment of mathematical difficulty, the score was calculated to be 8-3. The Broc forced the turnover and despite his laziness and lack of effort, Keyes managed to find himself under the disc for the final score of the weekend. 9-3 to The Broc. A winning start to the Winter League, but with no doubt that much room for improvement remains.

Winter League 2006

The dates and schedule for the Winter League have been finalised in a not-fully-final kind of way, but here's the update:

January 15th:
Broccoli vs Trinity
Broccoli vs DIT

January 29th:
Broccoli vs UCC
Broccoli vs DCU

February 12th:
Broccoli vs Johnny Chimpo
Broccoli vs UCD
Broccoli vs Pen15

Anyone fancy giving it a go?!
(",)

Broc Adventures

After a brisk fitness session to warm the limbs, 3 brave Brocs went in search of divilment in the environs of the UCD track. As it turned out, there was some building work in progress... Luckily no heavy machinery was left unattended. The building contractor has entered the race to be the next sponsors of the Broccoli shirts. See photos below!

Broccoli Calendar 2006

Broccoli's Summer Calendar

This summer Broccoli have committed to 5 tournaments. 4 of these are on mainland Europe and 2 of them see our Co-Ed team 'Mixed Veg' take to the fields. They are the following:

April 22nd/23rd - DUB Tourny (10th Anniversary) - as Mixed Veg.

The first brings the debut of Broccoli's Co-Ed team 'Mixed Veg.' In it we will face teams from as far away as Brlgium, Italy and Engerland and yet we will be competing in the lovely borough of Terenure. It promises to be a cracker of a weekend so keep it free!

April 29th/30th/May 1st - Tom’s Tourney (Brugges)

http://www.frisbee.be/

This gem of a tourny is arguably the biggest of our summer. At it we'll be playing high quality European Ultimate and at the same time partying the nights away in a climate hotter than ours! With cheap, very tasty beer and cakes thrown into the mix it's destined to be ont to remember.

May 20th/21st Mixed Tour 2 (London) - as Mixed Veg.

http://www.ukultimate.com/Event/EventDetails.aspx?ev_idno=245

Recntly Al spotted a slight hole in our calendar - May. Now, I've nothing against May and I genuinely dont think anyone else should either - well,unless you're doing exams I suppose. Anyway, we'd nothing planned so we thought we'd go on the piss in London and have a laugh by playing Mixed Tour 2. Given we wont be playing Mixed Tour 1 or 3 it will be a weekend of fun, frollicks and in between game beering. And, most importantly we get to see Al - yay!

June 24th/25th Piece of Cake (Basel, Switzerland)

http://peaceofcake.freespeed.ch/

Another exciting adventure!! This times to the beauty of Switzerland. This tourny was BBoys baby so if anything goes wrong blame him :) it'll be an amaazing weekend in the green with cakes, fun and top level competition. Broc On. It's all about European Ultimate.

July 21st/22nd/23rd Windmill Windup (Amsterdam, Holland)

http://www.crunch-ultimate.net/ww/

The 2nd ever Windmill Windup is the place to be in July as we travel to the 'Dam to sample her delights. A city of art, culture and mindblowing, we should be kept pretty well entertained. The fact they recommend we rent bikes and cycle from party to party is evidence that these folk are our kind of people. Get involved, the stories and photos will be the stuff of legend...

Green Tie Ball 2005

After an amazingly enjoyable start to our first season, we decided it was appropriate to celebrate!! A dinner party was the agreed format. Fiona's house was the agreed venue. "Green Tie" was the slighlty excitable dress code.












Mark prepared a delicious Broccoli Chicken Bake, not forgetting a veggie version for the devout Broc lovers amongst us. Despite the fact that the cuisine was good enough to be served in a lavish restaurant, it goes without saying that the food was not the focus of our quasi-dinner party! After countless "salt-tequila-broccoli" slammers we gathered ourselves around the table. A food fight quickly ensued, initiated by the lovely hostess herself!

As far as can be recalled, the party continued into the wee hours, with craic agus ceol a-plenty.

The photos tell their own tale, (click here).